Wild Ocean Blue

My offering to help celebrate this year’s International Cephalopod Awareness Days, is the Vampire squid from hell.

Yes, that’s right, you heard: the vampire squid from hell. Vampyroteuthis infernalis to be precise.

And why did I chose this fellow? To shine a beam of light on one of the many fabulous creatures that live hidden away out of sight (except to the most courageous aquanaut) in the inky depths of the ocean.

The Vampire Squid from Hell. Otherwise known as Vampyroteuthis infernalis.

If you don’t believe me, then you can peer briefly into hell yourself by watching a film clip on the BBC’s new online Wildlife Finder.

The vampire squid from hell, ‘the wierdest in this world of the strange’ as Sir David Attenborough puts it, will invade your screen after a few seconds with the dumbo octopus – also pretty wierd (and I love the eerie noises the filmmakers dub on top of these otherwise silent deep-sea scenes).

But I think it’s a little unfair to give these extraordinary creatures such a scary name.

The size and texture of a deflated soccer ball (about a foot long), they make themselves look mean with an array of snaggling spikes. By drawing up the skin between their arms like an inside-out umbrella they give themselves the appearance of an angry red pineapple.

But in actual fact, these spines are quite harmless protrusions called cirri – all part of the vampire squids’ trick of dressing up to look scarier than they really are.

And as Sir David tells us ‘the vampire squid has lights of its own’. These deep sea cephalopods keep bioluminescent bacteria inside their tissues. When the squid gets spooked (for example by a human being blundering past in a deep-sea submsersible vehicle) it waggles about shiny spots of light to confuse any would-be predators, and even lights up a pair of fake eyes to direct attention away from the real, delicate organs.

Vampire squid from hell have huge eyes, possibly the largest in the animal kingdom relative to body size. Six-inch youngsters have eyes the size of a large cherry (about an inch across – give me the same proportions and my eyes would be the size of basket balls). All the better for seeing with in the sunless depths: the only light vampire squid will see is produced by themselves and other living organisms.

And instead of ink they squirt out a jet of bioluminescent particles, another way of messing with the minds of unwanted intruders.

What’s more, these cephalapods aren’t strictly speaking squid. Instead they hover uneasily somewhere between squid and octopodes.

So there you go. Happy International Cephalopod Awareness Day every one.

In detail:

• Vampyroteuthis infernalis was first discovered in 1903 by Carl Chun. He thought it was an octopus because he only counted 8 arms. The 2 extra arms are thin and usually kept tucked away out of sight.
• It’s a bit of a relic, being the only surviving member of the order Vampyromorphida.